I’m not going to lie – I’ve hit a wall – of stress that is. Have you ever been there? When you feel like the pressure and the stress is so intense that it actually feels like it’s crushing you? I thought once over the weekend that maybe I was having a panic attack. Emotional doesn’t begin to describe me these last couple of weeks.
I’m not at liberty to tell you the exact reason for the stress – it isn’t my story to tell. But when a loved one is hurting – you hurt also. And when you are logistically too far away to realistically help, it’s hard. Lil Man was asking me questions this weekend. And I was forced to say out loud the reality – the word that no one ever wants to utter – cancer.
I thought in the middle of Target that I was going to lose it right there and just start bawling. But I tried in my best “don’t worry everything is ok Mommy voice” to explain things to him as best as I could. He was then easily distracted by something in the store and we moved on – thankfully.
So when the snow fell this weekend, all I could think about was getting out there and trying to clear my head. I needed to feel the sting of the cold on my cheeks as the cold hit me. I needed to feel my lungs burn. I needed to feel the sting in my legs. I needed to feel life. I needed to breathe in and let go.