I’m simply not as strong as you told me I needed to be. Relationally, Mom and I are not where you would want us to be, I’ve done what you said I needed to do where Mom is concerned, but I don’t seem to be handling everything as well as you and I expected. Am I letting you down? Or do you, per usual, understand? I’m betting on the latter.
It’s one of those days. You know the type. Nothing is wrong, but something is just not quite right. For most of the day I couldn’t figure it out. I mean after all, by His grace, I am truly blessed in so many ways. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, sunny with perfect spring time temperatures, I have family and friends who love and care for me…so what could it be? And then it dawned on me. I’m having one of those “I’m missing you days.”
You’ve been gone for quite some time now and for the life of me, I can’t remember the day nor the year you left me. I used to be embarrassed about that fact. When someone would ask, “well how long has he been gone?” I truly could not tell them because I couldn’t remember, but I finally figured out, that instead of engraving that date on my brain, I erased it. So now when someone asks…I just say, it feels like yesterday. Oh, I can always look in my bible if I need to know the exact date, but usually that’s not necessary, because most times it does still feels like yesterday.
I want to pick up my phone and tell you all about it or hear about your day or make plans to get together. And I can’t because you’ve moved on. You’ve left me here alone. You were such a big part of our lives, it is difficult to not want to share good times and bad times and funny times and sad times with you. After all, you were the one who could always make it better for me – no matter how big the problem, you would cut it down to bite-sized pieces. Oh I truly need you today. This world is hard and cold without you in it.