Sometimes mothers and children of all ages seem to get at odds with each other. Maybe one or the other feels slighted with something that is said. Maybe they don’t feel grateful enough for what they do for each other or the way they speak to each other. Whatever the cause, it’s best not to let things brew and to find a way to speak about what’s happened. Otherwise hurts accumulate until avoidance begins and then mothers and children are in a difficult cycle to break.
Tips On Repairing Mother and Child Connections
1. Parents can model speaking openly.
When you feel your child isn’t speaking to you in a kind way, bring it to their attention using your kind words. Model how you want them to speak to you. Yelling back at a yelling child only escalates negative feelings. But speaking quietly and slowly about how you felt when something was said makes all the difference. This gives the child a chance to calm down and reconsider how they treated you.
2. Timing is crucial.
When mother or child are feeling irritable and speak out of turn to each other, they may be unintentionally hurting the other when what’s bothering one of them has nothing to do with the other.
If you feel bad about how your child just treated you, before you respond step back and think of what might be bothering them that has nothing to do with you. Sometimes kids yell at mothers when their friend left them out of an invitation to a party.
After your child finds this out you happen to ask them to straighten their room, and they yell back, “Why are you always telling me what to do? Don’t you even like me?” The clue is in the second question about being liked. It’s the friend she doesn’t feel liked by, not you. So instead of responding to what she said to you ask, “Is something bothering you? How can I help?” This changes the whole tone.