Standing in my living room this morning, sweaty from the treadmill, I looked at my husband with my hand on my belly pudge and said “I need to get rid of this!” He just nodded his head. From past experience he’s learned that no matter what he says it will be wrong. If he says that I don’t need to change anything about my appearance, then I argue that he’s just saying that. If he agrees with me, well, I think we all know how that conversation plays out. So his safest answer is to nod, which is what he did.
But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, Lil Man said “Why you need get rid of that?” I immediately responded with “I don’t. I look just fine the way that I am,” and quickly changed the subject.
They are always listening aren’t they? But for a split second, I saw myself as he did. I’m his Momma – the one who loves him unconditionally, the one who takes care of his needs, kisses his boo boos and the hurt away, comforts, calms, occasionally yells when he refuses to listen, and praises him whenever possible.
I didn’t see a soon-to-be 42 year old woman with far too much gray hair and stubborn belly fat. I didn’t see wrinkles and stretch marks. I didn’t see all of the things that I would like to change about myself, instead I saw love. He loves me exactly the way that I am.
Wow, if I could only do that! I am my own worst critic. Time and time again this has been proven. So it’s no surprise to people who know me. I think it’s a good thing that I strive to better myself. I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to improve whether it’s being a better Mom, Wife, runner, improved fitness or nutrition. Trust me, the list goes on and on.
But if I am constantly nit picking at the image that I see in the mirror, that’s not healthy. I realized that I know how to love others, but do I truly know how to love myself?