My darling daughter:
You know this, because unlike me, you will be very well-versed on current popular music and have an Instagram following that numbers in the hundreds of thousands.
Or whatever replaces Instagram. I’m sure by the time you’re grown and have children of your own, there will have been numerous social media giants taking over, rising and falling into oblivion. By then, Apple will have invented Wi-Fi shoelaces and iBras, but there will still be no real cure for cellulite.
I’m not sure that’s progress, but I digress. Back to the topic of your someday motherhood. When you told me you’d be a great mother, I gave you an indulgent smile and a nod, and I went back to making dinner but as I stood there stirring spaghetti, I realized the undeniable truth.
You are going to be a terrible mother.
I speak from experience.