I get lonely.
That doesn’t make sense to some people because, for crying out loud, I am never alone. Not when I shower. Not when I go to sleep. Not when I wake up. Not when I use the restroom. Not when I’m trying to drink my coffee. Not even at this. very. moment. Never alone.
It’s the irony of motherhood. A mama can have little blessings literally hanging off of her every limb and, on the inside, be lost in the lonely.
I feel invisible.
There is no place to go where I will not be found. There is no way to hide from the needs and the noise. There is someone calling my name all the livelong day.
Yet, sometimes, I feel completely invisible.
I am the laundry doer and the breakfast server. I am the hair washer and the bottle maker. I am the toy picker upper and the ABC teacher.
I am the boo boo kisser and the play dough maker. I am the song singer and the story teller. I am the bed time book reader and the morning snuggle giver.
But does anyone see me?
I don’t know how to have friends anymore.
I see young moms on social media getting together with friends and having “girls night” and I don’t understand. I am with little people the entire day and I am done by 7:00 p.m. I am physically tired, mentally drained and I just want my snacks and a new episode of Better Call Saul.
I want friends. I miss having friends. But friends take effort and time and getting out of my pajamas and wearing real clothes. I have somehow found myself in this place where I’m sitting next to a stranger at a parent meeting and hoping she will be my new friend because at least I will see her the first Monday of every month. Sad, right?
I want friends who are in my season and understand what I’m dealing with every day. The problem, however, is that those people are also physically tired, mentally drained and in their pajamas by 7:00 p.m.
I guess what I’m saying is, “will you be my friend?” Is that creepy? Yeah, thought so. Never mind.
What I’m really saying is…
If you are lonely, I understand.
You are not invisible.
I will be your friend. 🙂