Watching Out for the Perfect Child

beautiful little girl sitting at tableDoes your child get all A’s, do her homework ahead of time, have pleasant manners, tell the truth, always do what she is told, in fact, please you every second?

Take a second look. May sound unexpected, but why is she so good?

We have to look out for our “good” kids because sometimes they want to please us too much instead of finding out what pleases them!

Does Your Child Make You Proud Because She’s Always Pleasing?

Some children are just cheerful. They are a delight from the time they are born. They sense what others want and always meet expectations. They seem to develop a keen sense of what others need early on and make others happy.

They never complain or challenge others. They know how to be a good friend because they are such good listeners.

The Hidden Problem

This is the child you always wanted. But wait a minute…Why doesn’t she challenge others? What are her opinions? Why don’t her needs ever come first? Is she trying too hard to be PERFECT?
This may be a child who masks her feelings on the outside or doesn’t even know when she feels differently from others. The potential problem is she isn’t getting to know herself: her wishes, needs, feelings, intentions, hopes and goals.

This is the child you need to help find herself. It’s pleasant that she’s so easy to be around, but is she growing?

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Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst and author who does psychotherapy with infants and parents, children, adolescents, and adults. Dr. Hollman's new book: Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Familius.com. She writes about infant, child and adolescent development, mental health, Parental Intelligence, and a broad range of parenting topics.

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