Dear Kindergarten Teacher:
I’m not that Mom.
I know you had a signup sheet for Mystery Readers and weekly volunteers on that first day. I am going to try to come read. One day. But twenty-six five year olds staring at me as I hold the book over my shoulder and read sideways trying to get the character voices right is kinda terrifying.
I get that the daily folder is really important. Communication is key to understanding and knowing what’s happening in the classroom. But if you don’t mind, I’m going to rely on that weekly email you send with all the pertinent information. I feel like a crazy lady checking that folder every night right before bedtime. Or more accurately: as we are walking out the door every morning. And I’m probably going to forget to fill out the proper forms for a change in transportation – I will email you the info, though. Promise.
Just so you know: I’m the juicebox Mom. Whenever you need snacks or refreshments brought in for a party or celebration, just write “Caroline’s Mommy” next to the juice boxes once you print up the signup sheet. That is the best I can do on any given day. Those cute DIY Pinterest inspired treats will never come from my kid – I am counting on you to meet my child’s creative quote for arts and crafts because we just don’t have time (or energy or inclination) for that around this house.
I don’t get worked up about what she’s wearing. And I let her pick out her own clothes. I know you are already aware of this fact as she showed up on the third day of school in a ruffled teal tank top, neon pink and yellow running shorts, and black Toms. I’m pretty sure she didn’t brush her hair that day, either. It’s all good. We feel it’s more important to “do you” than worry about the fashionista standards of the Kindergarten playground.
I’m not going to bother you. I won’t ask 5000 questions. Or bombard you with information. We don’t get worked up over so and so was mean to me. So when I do reach out, know it’s because I think there is necessary information I need you to know.
I am not the Mom that won’t trust you. I trust you. Implicitly. Because I know she was placed correctly. I will be on your side and if there is a problem, will work with you to help resolve it. You are the one with the background in Elementary Education. Not me. I will listen and trust that you have my kid’s best interest at heart. When I think you don’t, I promise you we will work rationally to find an amicable resolution.
Because I am not that Mom that thinks it’s my job to tell you how to do your job.
I will send in pre-packaged snacks. Extra markers. More glue sticks. I will convince my husband to volunteer for Field Day but will, at some point, forget to put money in her breakfast account. Sorry. I will help out behind the scenes in any way possible – but I can’t be the room Mom. It’s not in my nature. Actually, it is. But I’m afraid that there are other mothers that will annoy me and mess up my Zen. So I just can’t. For sanity’s sake. I hope you understand.
I know you have a class full of those moms. High maintenance. Helicoptering around in their yoga pants and old sorority tanks. Trying to tell you how to teach their child.
You don’t have to worry about me.
I’m not that Mom.